I have done one of the scariest things I ever could do. Something I never believed I was strong enough for.
I left my family behind in Indiana and traveled across the country to Idaho to live on my own. And I was terrified. I still am a little. But instead of just telling you about it (because what kind of writer would I be if I just did that 😉) allow me to show you what I have done 🙂
This picture may look a little strange to you. Maybe even a little lonely considering it is a dinner table set for only one. But for me, this is it. This represents everything I’ve worked for, everything I was scared of doing. This is the very first dinner I cooked for myself in my very first apartment. The first time I was truly out on my own. It may not look like much: a bowl of noodles and soup courtesy of my mom who hooked me up with some groceries before I left and a plastic cup of tea from a friend, but for me this means a whole lot more. And it is a possibility that it looks lonely. The lack of a dinner guest and an empty table save for two apples my grandma gave me. But lonely isn’t how I would describe it.
I sat there that evening at my apartment and with the low hum of the refrigerator in the background providing the only noise in the silent house, I thought about how incredible this all was. I was sitting in a place of my own, far away from my family, and very much alone at the moment (unless of course you count the company of my cat.) And I was so happy that I took a picture! I was happy because this was what I was afraid of doing, I never believed I had the strength to live on my own and provide for myself. I didn’t ever imagine I would get to that place. And yet there I was.
This is everything I have worked for, and everything I will continue to work for. And I now believe in myself more because of it. I never thought I could, but I did anyway and that dinner alone was the evidence of that.
I have been so terrified that I was wrong about myself, that I couldn’t actually do the things I dreamed of and that I’m not as strong as I believed I could be. And though there are still many, many moments where I doubt myself, I don’t believe I’ll let them stand in my way. I was scared that I would fail at providing for myself, that college would be too much for me to handle and that I would have to return to my mom with the disappointment that I hadn’t lived up to what she believed I could do. And though I still fear that, I know that if it does happen, it won’t be the end of the world. It won’t be the end of my world.
Now, I’m not just going to make this a post about my own empowerment, there’s something for you here too. If I can step way out of the boundaries of what I believed I was capable of and do what I dreamed of, then there’s no reason why you can’t either. There is nothing special about me, no resource or special upbringing or trait that sets me apart. I have had my fair share of trials and heartbreak. But if I don’t let that stop me, then what’s your excuse? Why would you settle for something less than extraordinary? After all, if a sheltered homeschooler can leave their family and live on their own for college, then you should definitely be able to 😉
It’s time to stop making excuses as to why your happiness isn’t achieveable. You have a strength inside you that you don’t even know about yet. Test yourself and don’t be afraid if you discover exactly what you are capable of.
I believe in you, why shouldn’t you believe in yourself?