I got inspired to write some open letters the other day so we’re going to see how many people I can offend today 🙂 Hope you enjoy (I might have even mentioned you!)
To my neighbors next door:
Why on EARTH do two elderly people need 4 HUGE DOGS?!?!?! They serve no purpose except to make a mess and bark at us. They terrify the larger animals in our pasture by running to the fence and barking. Not only that but they have dug under our fence (many times in a row, may I add!!) and grabbed our chickens, then proceed to drag them to their doom in your yard. And all you have to say about it is,”Yup, dogs will play with birds and sometimes they just play too hard.” Killing things isn’t playing!!! Unless you’re maybe a psychopath (and your dogs might be…)
Also, could you please, for the love of all that is holy upon this earth and the earth to come, PULL YOUR PANTS UP!!!! From our back deck we can see right into your yard and when you’re out working on your dirt patch that you name a “garden” we can all see what you have to offer. And more then once it has made me want to pour mouthwash in my eyes! Now, you may argue that a man can wear his pants however he chooses when he is in his own yard; but to that I reply, “NO! Just no!!” You wear a belt AND suspenders for a reason!! They’re obviously failing at their job and should be replaced!!
To my old co-worker (you’ll know who you are):
Making up lies about people and spreading them behind their back is a great way to get them fired. And you might also see yourself as God’s gift to the planet; and you are definitely the manager’s favorite. But you aren’t a very likeable person and someday I hope someone treats you how you treat others. It might be a nice change for you to see how bad it makes you feel. Since I seriously doubt you will see this, it’s okay for me to post it. 🙂
To the female leader at my last youth group (once again, you’ll probably know who you are if you see this):
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. I know what you’ve said behind some of the youth’s backs and I know what kind of gossip you thrive on. Little do you know that you’ve caused so many issues by sticking your nose into where it doesn’t belong. You are a grown woman, act like it!
Also, when you’re in the position of leadership among young people and you find out that one of them is doing something very wrong or dangerous, it is your obligation and your job to alert their parents. You aren’t a doctor, there isn’t any confidentiality agreement, and you have no right to keep secrets from their parents, regardless of whether they want you to or not. If something had happened to that person and you knew about it, it is the parent’s right to blame you.
To my Bestie 🙂
You’re the highlight in my day when I receive a text from you 🙂 You’re the one who believes in my when I can’t imagine myself doing anything great. When I call you with tears in my voice, you make me laugh at silly stuff without fail. I have tried so many times to tell you exactly how much you mean to me but I can never quite get the words right. So I guess I’ll have to settle with trying daily to be just as good of a friend to you as you are to me 🙂 Though I don’t think I’ll ever accomplish that 🙂
To my hair:
I love having you so long but having to brush you five times a day gets a little old sometimes. Also, it would be great if you could grow a little faster because I would really like you to be down to my feet. Sometime soon if at all possible. And while you’re at it, could you have magical healing properties when I sing? Or maybe not because I sing like a drowning hippo…
To the presidential candidates:
To the town where I live:
A little more rain would be appreciated. And maybe some actual snow in the winter. And some more trees. And taller mountains. Actually could you just be Alaska? That would be great 🙂
To my parents and siblings:
Y’all are awesome 🙂 Like I did with Bestie’s letter, I can’t actually put into words what you all mean to me but I’ll give it a good shot.
Thanks for always being with me. We haven’t had the best experiences in this town but I know that no matter how much other people hate us or how many things they ruin for us, we’ll always be together and I guess when we’re like that, we’re unstoppable. We have bad days together like any other family but unlike most family’s, it doesn’t really matter. Thank you all for never letting me feel alone. I joke and say that I have no friends here but that’s not really true because I live with eight of the best 🙂 If I had my way, I would live with you all forever and nothing would ever make me leave 🙂
Dad, thanks for all you do. You aren’t too pleased with the current circumstances but that’s okay because it’s only temporary. I have so many great memories with you and I will never forget the poems that you had us memorize. You’ve taught me more about God and the Bible than any pastor ever did and I want you to know that I would never be as strong in my faith as I am without you 🙂
Mom, thanks for wanting to be with us all day since we were born. That can’t be easy and probably wasn’t when there were four of us running around like a bunch of cats who had too much catnip. You literally taught me almost everything I know and I would’ve gotten nowhere without you. You’re like my first best friend and you are so smart. If I could have anything I wanted I would get you a farm filled to the brim with alpacas, goats, and chickens. 🙂
Bree, we definitely have a weird relationship. Sometimes we hate each other and sometimes we love each other. You’re always going to be my older sister though and remember, if I don’t like your boyfriend, you can’t marry him 🙂 Remember that your life doesn’t begin when you get married and you aren’t worthless just because you’ve never been asked on a date. Don’t compare yourself to others. There’s something special about you and there’s something that only you can do. You just have to figure out what it is. and It doesn’t matter if you’re 20 or 100, you will do amazing things 🙂
Caleb, you’re my best mate 🙂 The definition for “partners in crime” in the dictionary is a picture of us. I’m pretty sure that I’m one of the only people you come to when you cry and I think I’m the same way. All of our crazy games as kids were the best ones and I remember how I would race you to finish a book series that we both wanted to read. I want you to know, no matter how old you are or who you marry or where you end up in life, I expect us to be in a nursing home talking to each other by yelling through the air vents 🙂
Rachel, you remind me more of myself every day. Warning to you though, attitude towards your parents will get you nowhere and you’ll just regret it. Also, your worth isn’t determined by how many friends you have, or who you date, or what other people think of you. Don’t ever let people make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t compare yourself to them, they’re not you. Find what’s special about you and run with it. 🙂
Liv, Josh, and Matt:
You guys are pretty cool. It’s kind of like getting to see Bree, me, and Caleb when we were little. Keep being awesome 🙂 I don’t really have much else to say except Josh, cover your mouth when you sneeze!! It’s nasty! 😉
To everyone who reads this:
Thanks so much!! I really appreciate it when the things I say don’t just fall on dead ears. It’s nice to think that someone out there cares about what you think, how you think, how you feel, and what you care about. So thanks 🙂